Category Archives: Road Rage

I’m a Winner!

and by that, I mean whiner. Case in point:

One semi-regular feature of this blog is the “honk report” wherein I whine about the latest annoyance I endured when I motorist honked at me for no good reason. It had been happening at a rate of approximately one per week, but now I’ve gone over a month without anyone honking at me.  This lack of honking is making me progressively suspicious.  Am I riding in a different way? I keep thinking that a honk could happen at any moment and I want to be ready so I don’t freak out and go all nutty on the offending motorist. Screaming road rage from a driver inside of a more or less soundproof car is one thing, but screaming road rage from a cyclist tends to draw stares. So, I’ve been preparing myself with special zen exercises and yogic breathing in case anyone should honk at me. I’ll turn, glance and ride on. (turn, glance, ride on. turn, glance, ride on) The zen seems to be working because I was almost squeezed by a bus yesterday morning and it didn’t really bother me. Well, it bothered me, but I didn’t freak out. This happened on Canal Street, which is a three-lane wide one-way street (plenty of room for the bus to take another lane). In the grand scheme of the number of cars that pass me, it’s pretty rare that a car passes too close. When it does happen, I don’t really have much recourse. However, when a bus driver passes too close….

They have an easily identifiable number and a company I can call. After passing me, the bus also ran a red light. I loped along at my usual pace, knowing that the bus would end up at Kennedy Plaza (where I snapped these pictures.) For some reason, the driver seemed in less of a hurry once he’d arrived at the station.

Since I was in a fairly sanguine state, I considered engaging the driver in a discussion of the finer points of Rhode Island law. But I decided to keep my sanguinity to myself and enjoy a stress-free day at work. Instead of risking turning into a fuming jerk in Kennedy Plaza, I called Peter Pan Bus Lines and filed a complaint against the driver. That worked so well with RIPTA, right? (Update on my complaint with RIPTA: nothing).

My mood was lifted when I got to work to see that the bike rack was nearly full!

Six bikes in the rack (one is out of the picture frame, and I’m not counting the pennyfarthing at the far end – that one is merely decorative). How exciting to see! Then I realized that two of the bikes have been sitting there for months. Still, four bikes in the racks! Was there a meeting of the ex-Portlander’s club of Rhode Island? Maybe another Teach For America interview session? Nope, just a visit from the community blood bank. Nothing brings out the do-gooders like a blood drive. But what’s that peaking out between the Cannondale Cyclocross bike and the old Raleigh 10-speed (which has been sitting there for 5 months)?

It’s a floor pump! I know that cyclocross is a demanding sport, but does commuting on a cyclocross bike require constant monitoring of your tire pressure? Or perhaps this cyclocross commuter is a wandering good samaritan, pumping up under-inflated tires across the country, an anti-pinch-flat Johnny Appleseed.

Courtesies. Positivities. Mammaries.

My friend, Christina called me out in an FB post yesterday:

I get a lot of unsolicited remarks when I ride my bike. Like, a lot. They range from comments along the lines of “you appear to be a female mammal endowed with the apparatus to suckle an infant” to suggestions such as “that isn’t how one signals a left, you ignoramus.” I’ve been struggling for a while with how to respond to these, but today [carfreepvd] turned me on to a lovely blog with the wonderful recommendation that simply being polite and smiling is the way to roll. Thanks, [carfreepvd]! I’m a lot happier about this now. But if I develop a heart problem in twenty years because of unexpressed anger, it’s your fault, okay?

First off, I am not responsible for the possible ill health effects incurred as a direct or indirect result of reading this blog. Please consult your doctor before beginning any blog-reading regimen. Secondly, I can only attempt to relate to the leers and rude, unsolicited comments that are made to the ladies who bike. Most of the bike blogs I read are written by ladies, and it seems to be a topic that comes up every once in a while. Christina was referencing this post on Let’s Go Ride a Bike, and I think that Lovely Bicycle! covered the topic well. Lovely Bike has been biking in Vienna recently, where she feels that she is the recipient of less leering than when she bikes in Boston. My experiences with the European leer are a little different.

I often walk or bike in the company of an exceptionally hot lady and I have noticed that she gets a few stares while she’s on the bike. But nowhere did I see more men stare at Spouse than on the sidewalks of Paris. I attempted to block these Gallic leers using the star-spangled laser beams of my steely-eyed glare. It was futile. The Frenchman enjoys leering, and little can be done to stop him. I can only imagine what would have happened if we had been brave enough to ride the Velib.

I’m glad to hear that Christina is going to try the positivity route. But one does need a little rage relief every once in a while. I recommend yelling at parked cars when you are biking down a traffic-free street (I know those are rare in Christina’s part of the world.) Just yell all of the things you would yell at the Masshole who gave you the helpful tip on proper turn signal procedure. When thinking about the motorists who endanger my life, I prefer the power phrase “ah ya fuckin blind oar ah ya ritahdid!?” Be sure to affect a New England accent of some type – it neutralizes any political correctness issues. Don’t use the adverb “wickid.” It’s considered uncouth.

After experiencing the white-hot, all-purifying fury of righteousness that came from screaming my head off at a driver who honked, passed to close and gestured at me; I felt like an alcoholic who had hit bottom. I’ve admitted that I have a problem, and I’m working to have a more relaxed attitude when motorists are rude to me. Still, I have the occasional relapse.

Friday morning, I was on my regular route, when some dirty hippy on an old Motebecane “shoaled” at the stop light. I said, “Dude, that was totally unnecessary.” But I said it inside my head! Not bad, hey?

I'm the blue line, the hippy is the green line. The thinner, dotted green line represents the hippy's path as he approached the intersection and then executed the shoal manuevre.

We both started up when the light turned green, the hippy and I rolling along at a fairly leisurely pace. He was probably only going 2 MPH slower than I usually go on this stretch of Canal Street.  No big deal, I decided to stay at a respectful distance and occasionally roll my eyes in his general direction. There was no need to get in a commuter race. On this stretch of Canal Street, I often glance behind me to see what the cars are up to, but this time I was distracted by the hippy’s insistance on riding in the door zone. I was riding well outside of the door zone, about 1/3 of the way across the right-hand lane (note that there are 3 lanes on this stretch of Canal.

I wasn't following the hippy as close as this illustration would indicate. It would just take me too long to go back and re-edit the dang thing.

Then it happened. A minivan passed me way to close. I stuck out my hand to see exactly how close and I was easily able to touch the side of the car.

Oh snap, it was ON! I checked my six and put the hammer down, blasting the hippy’s dreadlocks with my pressure wave. After the minivan passed, I noticed that he had South Carolina license plates, but a Boston Celtics window decal. I saw the driver stick his left hand out the window, but he used all 5 fingers. Hmmm, that was a little confusing. I’m used to seeing just one finger extended from a vehicle with a Celtics decal. As I passed the speed limit, I resolved that I was not going to be confrontational, just educational. Perhaps as an out of stater, he’s not aware that he is required by Rhode Island law to pass me at a safe distance (hazily defined, as mentioned in a previous post).

The next light was red! “Ha-HA! I shall catch him and properly educate this scofflaw!” I thought to myself. But no, he blew through that light not noticing the “No turn on red” sign (or the traffic). Perhaps he was afraid of my wrath. His casual disregard for the law was no match for the traffic lights of downtown Providence – I caught up to him a couple blocks later. I practiced my speech in my head, steely eyes at the ready. As I approached, his window was rolled down and he hit me with a pre-emptive strike! A strike of contrition!

“I’m really sorry about that, I know I passed you too close, I realized I was doing it too late, are you okay?”

Whoa! What the -?

“I’m okay, you didn’t hit me or anything, you were just a little close.”

“I’m so sorry. I should know better.”

I broke out in a smile.

“No problem, I appreciate you apologizing. Have a good one.”

“All right, you too.”

The earlier hand gesture had apparently been an “apology wave.”

I turned left and headed to my office. He went on his way.

My faith in humanity, and even motorists, was renewed.

Later in the day, I desperately needed some iced coffee. I headed to the nearest coffee joint for some cool, caffeinated refreshment. Although I will take any excuse to go for a ride of any length, for this trip, I decided walk. This required crossing the street at a well-marked crosswalk.

There’s zebra stripes for the crosswalk, pedestrian crossing signs on both sides of the street, even a “Stop for pedestrians in crosswalk” sign! Still, in both directions I was nearly run down by cars who refused to stop for me while I was attempting to cross. I wasn’t standing timidly on the curb, I was in the middle of the road. Both of the offenders had Rhode Island tags. My faith in Rhode Island drivers was returned to its normal state.

Pepperspray in Springfield

Just a couple of quick thoughts before they fly away and I forget to write about them. I mentioned in a previous post that I discovered a bike blogger in Springfield MO, Andy Cline who blogs on Carbon Trace. One of his ongoing post series is his “honk report.” He seems to believe that people don’t honk at him all that much, so to illustrate his point, he writes a brief post whenever he is honked at while riding his bike.  I have no good way of quantifying how often people have honked at me, so I’m going to steal a page from his blog and do the same thing.

HONK REPORT!

I was biking west on Olney, just past the Friends Meeting House. Cars were parked along the road, so I kept out of the doorzone. I heard a brief honk behind me, then was passed by a late model Cadillac with an older couple in it. They gave me plenty of room as they passed and there were no obscene gestures or words thrown my way. I shrugged my shoulders and figured they were giving a “warning honk” which is not really necessary but I try not to interpret as hostility. They were stopped by the traffic light shortly ahead. I caught up with them as they waited for a car to make a left turn. I could have squeezed past them on the right, but that seemed dangerous so I waited behind them and said “honk!” in a friendly tone of voice. No road rage this time.

CLOSE HONK REPORT

I checked Carbon Trace earlier this evening to find that a cyclist in Springfield was assaulted with Pepperspray by a passing motorist. The cyclist was in the bike lane at the time. The comments for the post detail a few other assaults that cyclists have received in Springfield and other cities. This jogged my memory a bit – the only time someone intentionally “buzzed” me while I was on my bike was in Springfield. I’ve had unintentional close calls in other cities, but in this incident the driver swerved towards me and one of the passengers held out his hand to try to touch me and then I could hear them laughing as they drove away. I hate that town.

I did a little tweeting for my employer today which reminded me that I actually set up a twitter account for this blog, I’ve just never used it. Facebook is starting to creep me out more and more, so I figure I might as well start tweeting. You can follow me like a Pennyfarthing follows a tweed ride @carfreepvd.

I walked through Kennedy Plaza today where I noticed this hitching post which I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed before.

This is near the Police substation down there and I think that the mounted police may actually use it on occasion – that could make this the only hitching post in Providence that is actually used for tying up a horse!